Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
