dude i'm inner monologue high
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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