too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize