Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
