1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
