dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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