Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
