the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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