it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
