he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
