I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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