Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize