y did u give ur computer a hand job?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
