Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
