Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
