Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
