i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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