I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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