Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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