if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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