I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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