I'm pants shitting drunk right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
