"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
