So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
