does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize