You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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