He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
