We won't sleep together?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
