have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
