I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
