my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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