do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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