are you still at the devil's house?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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