Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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