shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
