I molested 6 butterflies tonight
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You smell like stripper and shame
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
