In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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