True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
