i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
