can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize