Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
