***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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