I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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