i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
