On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
