I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
