apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
