yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
