I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize