I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
