I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
