ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
