flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
