I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
