I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
