dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
