What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm too high and old for this...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
