how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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