Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
