it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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