these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
