Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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