i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
