Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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