I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
