mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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