What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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