Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
