but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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