The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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