Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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