I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
