Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
is it fun? or sober?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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