I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
